


Bran Flakes

by thistreasurehunter



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Blumpkin, Bodily Functions, But it's also romantic / tasteful, Established Relationship, I suppose, M/M, Scat, Smut, kinky smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:01:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28556532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistreasurehunter/pseuds/thistreasurehunter
Summary: Klaus helps Dave get that sweet, sweet relief.**PLEASE READ THE TAGS**
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	Bran Flakes

**Author's Note:**

> **Please check the tags before reading!**
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

This, Dave though gloomily, was just downright uncomfortable. He shifted his feet on the tiles, raising up onto the balls of his feet to lift his knees, trying to find a better position. He took a deep breath and then strained again. Nothing.

He let his bare feet slap back down onto the bathroom floor, exhaling with a grimace. This was the third day in a row, Dave thought miserably. Three days of feeling heavy, bloated and frustrated. His sphincter clenched involuntarily and he could feel the stubborn, solid mass just inside the entrance to his rectum.

That’s it, he sighed wearily, next time we go grocery shopping I’m buying some bran flakes or something. I don’t care if Klaus laughs at me and makes old man jokes, I clearly need more fibre in my diet. Besides, this situation is hardly ideal for either of us.

Last night, while the two of them had been fooling around in bed, Klaus had licked the shell of his ear, slid his hand down between Dave’s legs and then asked quietly, in a low voice heavy with lust, “Dave, can I be on top tonight?”

Dave’s face had twisted in discomfort. He was painfully aware of his boated abdomen and his uncomfortable fullness.

“Umm,” he’d said awkwardly “can we do something else instead?” And, of course, Klaus had just agreed straight away, without trying to change Dave’s mind. Like always. Because he was respectful of Dave, in a way that Dave hadn’t thought was possible before he met Klaus. Until then, Dave hadn’t thought he was worthy of such respect.

But Klaus so very rarely asked to top. Not with words, not like that. So, he must have really been in the mood, Dave thought. And Dave had turned him down. Because of _this._

Dave screwed up his eyes at the memory. “Dammit,” he grunted in frustration, “come on!” He clenched his face and tried pushing and straining again.

And it was right at that moment that Klaus walked in.

“Klaus!” Dave yelped, his face turning bright red. “Klaus, I’m… I’m just…” he spluttered self-consciously. “The bathroom’s… occupied,” he finished lamely.

Klaus rolled his eyes and then smiled down at Dave, who was valiantly trying to look as composed as possible, while sitting on the toilet with his trousers around his ankles. “I can see that, Dave” he said lightly, “but I want to give you a blowjob.”

Dave spluttered again.

“Umm… okay,” he said after a moment. “Well, that sounds lovely. But can you give me a couple of minutes to… errr…” he gestured his current position “…finish up here first, please?”

“No need,” Klaus said briskly.

He dropped to his knees in front of Dave, gave his firm thigh a reassuring pat, then took hold of Dave’s flaccid penis and started rubbing.

“Klaus…” Dave said uneasily.

“Just relax,” Klaus replied, gently pushing Dave to lean back again the raised lid. Then he nudged Dave’s legs further apart and leaned down and took Dave into his mouth.

Dave blinked, looking down at Klaus incredulously.

“You really are something else, you know that?” He said fondly, running his fingers through Klaus’ dishevelled curls. Klaus just hummed in reply.

Dave leaned back and took a deep breath. Klaus’ mouth felt amazing, as always. But this time, it also felt kind of weird. He was very aware of where they were, the porcelain bowl he was sitting over and what he’d been trying to do only a moment ago.

Klaus worked Dave’s length with a skill borne of much practice, setting a decidedly slow and sweetly gratifying rhythm. Dave sighed again and then slowly started rocking his hips in gentle participation.

Suddenly, Klaus’ head came up and he detached from Dave’s cock with a wet pop.

“No,” he said simply. The tiny frown lines that appeared between his dark eyebrows made him look almost comically disgruntled. “I told you to relax, Dave. Just sit back and take it.”

“Ummm… okay,” Dave said again, more than a little perplexed.

“Just completely relax,” Klaus said earnestly. And with that, he lent forwards and took Dave back into his mouth.

Dave sighed and cleared his mind, letting the sensations overtake him. Okay, he though, I’m not entirely sure where this is all coming from, but he is right, this does feel nice.

Dave sat back and let Klaus pleasure him with his mouth, consciously unclenching all the tightness he held in his muscles – his shoulders, his jaw, his thighs, his stomach. He felt loose… free… weightless.

Suddenly, Dave felt his sphincter relax and the swooping twist in his stomach that always preceded a bowel movement.

“Stop! Stop!” Dave said urgently.

Klaus popped his head up again.

“What?” Klaus said, his chin shinning with saliva, looking up at Dave with his large, dark rimmed eyes.

Dave swallowed uncomfortably, his ears red and his cheeks heating up. “I…” he started awkwardly. “I felt like… like I was going to… you know… go” he finished, mortified.

Klaus rolled his eyes fondly. “Well, yeah, Dave,” he smiled from between Dave’s spread thighs, “that’s kind of the point.”

“What?” Dave said. Rather eloquently – he thought – considering the situation.

Klaus shrugged and looked up at him affectionately.

“You’ve been pretty constipated recently, haven’t you?” he said.

“Umm, yeah, I guess” Dave reluctantly agreed.

“You definitely have,” Klaus confirmed.

“How can you be so sure?” Dave asked, furrowing his brows slightly.

“Oh, please, Dave” Klaus huffed. “We’ve been together so long, by this point I probably know your body better than I know my own.”

“Fair enough” Dave conceded.

“And,” Klaus carried on, “it’s been making you feel crap.” Dave could only nod weakly. “Well,” Klaus said with a smile, “I’m in the business of making Dave feel good and also making sure Dave doesn’t feel crap. So…” he gestured their current position.

“Really?” Dave asked, looking down at him with raised eyebrows. “Isn’t it just a bit… I dunno… icky?”

Klaus actually laughed out loud at that. “After all the stuff we’ve done together, Dave?”

Dave sighed and closed his eyes in defeat.

“Okay,” he said slowly, looking back down at Klaus. “But afterwards, if this ends up being gross, just remember you asked for it.”

“Don’t worry, Dave,” Klaus grinned, giving Dave’s leg another reassuring squeeze. “I promise, from the look on my face afterwards, anyone would swear your shit smelled like roses.” Then he winked and took Dave back into his mouth.

Dave huffed a laugh and let Klaus push him back into a reclined position. He breathed deeply and allowed himself to relax again. Klaus brought his hand up and lightly rested in on Dave’s lower abdomen, gently rubbing in soothing circles. Dave couldn’t help but smile.

He closed his eyes and concentrated on the feeling of Klaus’ mouth; on the pleasure radiating from the hot, wet slide of his lips. One area at a time, he consciously released the tension he held in his muscles: his face, his jaw, his shoulders, his stomach, his thighs. He breathed deeply. He felt weightless and floaty and calm and aroused and open and relaxed. And finally, there it was. He felt that familiar swooping sensation in his bowels, a build of pressure and then the delicious slide, as the solid mass slowly began moving down his passage and sliding out of his body.

Dave let out a long, loud moan of relief. It felt so good, he wasn’t even ashamed of the embarrassingly loud splash that followed a moment later.

Dave felt Klaus stretch a smile around his cock before picking up the pace and bobbing his head faster. Still riding the high, and feeling gloriously light and empty, Dave absentmindedly threaded his fingers back into Klaus’ hair and played with his curls until, finally, Klaus tipped him over the edge and he came hard, pulsing thickly and releasing down Klaus’ throat.

After a final, affectionate lick, Klaus raised his head and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. He was grinning from ear to ear, a smug expression plastered on his face.

Dave rolled his eyes as he looked down at him, but he also couldn’t help the flutter he felt in his heart at the sight of the incredible, wonderful, unbelievable man he was lucky enough to be sharing his life with.

“Okay, fine” Dave sighed in a mock begrudging tone. “You were right, that felt amazing.” Then he added sincerely, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Klaus grinned. “So,” he added after a beat, raising an eyebrow, a twinkle in his eyes. “How do you feel about returning the favor?”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make my day!
> 
> Link to my tumblr: [@yeah-klave](https://yeah-klave.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Thanks for reading 💙


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